i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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