He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
God, I missed his penis.
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