Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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