I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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