I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
farters have to be the big spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize