you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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