He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize