You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize