I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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