i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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