This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
