I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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