Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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