2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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