i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize