Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize