OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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