i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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