i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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