he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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