i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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