I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize