so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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