If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize