I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize