dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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