I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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