I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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