The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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