The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i think i just lost a toe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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