i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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