last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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