I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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