obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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