My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize