So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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