I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize