moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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