Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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