she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize