Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize