Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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