i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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