I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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