booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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