I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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