I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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