I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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