I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize