Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize